Thursday, July 22, 2010

I'm Going to Racially Profile White People

When the news of Arizona's new immigration law came out, there were four basic reactions.

1) Impractical Liberal With No Sense of Reality
"All people should be allowed into America, no matter how much it drains our resources. National borders are what's destroying this world. We should all be one!"

2) Racist Conservative that Wants to Find a Scapegoat and Never Studied History
"Those damn Mexicans are taking our jobs. America was built without immigrants! Now we got Meixcans coming in from Puerto Rico, Mexicans from Cuba, even Mexicans from Mexico!"

3) Rational Person That Inexplicably Trusts the Police
"We do need immigration reform. And if the police can't protect us, who can? It's not a big deal to prove you're American, just carry your license with you."

4) Rational Person That Doesn't Trust the Police
"We do need immigration reform. But it shouldn't be at a cop's discretion who to reform. Ever see Bad Lieutenant?"

I am clearly in that last group. Though that second group is tempting. How freeing must it be to blame everyone but yourself?

"Oh, dammit - the Mexicans stubbed my toe again!"

Group #3 isn't that far off from my thought process - the main disagreement I have is that we can't trust an individual police offer to make a judgment call as to whether or not someone looks American. If we give them that ability, they can use it against any one of us. So, well, I'm going to use it against any one of us.

Instead of boycotting Arizona, I came up with a new plan to book a show at a state funded school in Arizona (which I just did). I will then use the money from that show to go to the governor's mansion with cameras. And I will stop white people on their way out and ask them to prove they're not Canadian.

Governor Jan Brewer - wearing red and white, but where is the blue? Where is the blue, Jan???

If they're annoyed that I'm questioning their citizenship just on the basis of their looks, perhaps they'll see my point. But I bet they'll just be happy someone is doing their patriotic duty as an American citizen.

See you in Arizona, Governor Brewer. If that is your real name.


  1. Is your bail fund on Paypal?

  2. Hey man - I really really like this. It's a dead-on observation.

    The competition in the global economy will dictate more and more for the USA. I know we must adapt to our environment but I'd rather die than adapt to my environment here in the south. Evolution is too slow here. :)

  3. When the governor was sworn in, she said that she'll serve 'all Arizonans', which excludes you (and me) and all other, well, non-Arizonans. So don't ask her for coffee.

  4. This is awesome. If possible, please tape yourself pissing off white people.

  5. What annoys me about the whole thing is the assumption that ALL illegal immigrants are Mexican. My vocal coach's son lives in Oregon where the majority of IIs are Russian and therefore white, for instance. In Florida they're mostly Cuban. There's a lot whom are Asian. A lot from Africa. And so forth. To assume ALL IIs are Mexican - well, that's just racist!

    (Besides, what part of "illegal" do people not get? Break the law, get punished, end of discussion.)

    There's this female comedian my vocal coach told me about, I don't remember her name but maybe you might know her, Steve, or know of her. She happens to be Hispanic and her joke Mr. Henthorne quoted to me goes something akin to, "People keep telling me I should say how proud I am to be a Mexican. I keep telling them I can't. They keep insisting I should say how I'm a proud Mexican. I can't, I'm from PERU!"

    It's not the exact joke, mind you, I've only heard it the once and second hand, but it gets the point across.

    Besides, I think it's hilarious. Everyone keeps assuming she's Mexican just because she's Hispanic - but she's not, she's Peruvian!


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