Happy new year!

With just a few hours left this decade, I just wanted to take the time to remind all people, no matter where you are from or what you look like, the most important thing to remember in 2020: #FuckAirCanada

ESPN

ESPN is airing the cornhole championships. I don’t know if these guys are sponsored by a restaurant or they just have to work a shift immediately after.

Guns

I love the people who don’t wanna register their guns so the government doesn’t know they have them - but also have a “don’t take my guns” bumper sticker. Uh, I think they might know.

Break a show

A guy left the venue and said “I’m too drunk to stay. Break a show!” He said this from the driver’s seat of his car. Thanks man. Try not to break anything at all.

A poem

And now, a poem:

If it frustrates you or angers you when someone calls you “cuck”

Remind yourself they’ve married someone no one wants to fuck.

Kid Rock

A sound guy asked what I wanted played before my show so I told him rock or hip hop (and no country). He put on Kid Rock's "Cowboy". I reminded him I didn't want any country, and he said "But his name is rock." He took it well when I explained that Kid Rock is also not a child.

Traveling

Traveling will make you realize that people are alike everywhere. Because no matter where you are in the world or what brings you there, airport security will still be a bunch of completely incompetent worker drones who can’t seem to read an x-ray.