What Your Facebook Profile Picture Really Means

No facebook profile picture is perfect - but here are some of the most common ones and what they reveal about our personalities.

You and your significant other
You have lost your identity. You are no longer Becky and Dave. You're now BeckyDave, a bizarre creature with two heads, one brain, and no friends. Seriously, unless the Facebook profile is for both of you, the picture should be of just you. Also, you're afraid of being alone. The best part is, you'll deny any of this is accurate, but only while talking to your significant other since all your friends have been bored by you for quite some time.

You, but a cartoon
Isn't this hilarious? The only thing funnier than a cartoon of you is how low your self-esteem is.

You skinny, even though you're fat in real life
How the world sees you is very important to you, but not as important as cake.

You, drunk
Either you are so shortsighted that you think getting a few laughs is more important than any job offer, or you're too dumb to realize that people actually do form opinions based on Facebook pictures. Either way, you have a bright future in retail. Make sure you learn to fold sleeves correctly.

A beautiful landscape
It's kind of sad that the only nice picture taken of you is one you're not in.

A different picture of you every day
You are the person that brings your camera to every party, lunch meeting and funeral. It's enough - you take too many pictures, Actually, you're not even the one taking any of the pictures, because you're somehow in every picture taken with your own camera. If this were before digital, you'd have spent half your life developing everything " except a personality. Next time, how about doing something boring and NOT documenting it?

You as a kid
"Look, I used to be cute, I promise!"

You with hot girls
Guys, putting up a picture of you with two hot girls will not make the other hot girls in your life run away any less frequently. Girls, stop trying to confuse potential boyfriends into thinking that you're the other girl in the picture.

You, but a professional headshot
This works perfectly, as long as every moment in your life is also airbrushed and creatively lit.

You in a halloween costume
You're very proud of the work you did to morph yourself into a cat or a nurse or a slutty Elvis. But getting attention for it one night of the year is simply not enough for you. Or 3 nights of the year, because you probably wore the costume more than once.

Your pet
Yes, your pet is adorable. But you need to realize that your friends don't care about it nearly as much as you do. This is the equivalent of telling everyone how your fantasy football team did this weekend, or telling someone you don't work with about office politics. They might listen to you, but only because no one better is speaking at the time.

You, but only half of you
Congratulations. A picture of you taken at the exact right angle and carefully photo-shopped looks kind of cute. But no one wants to fuck your eye. Well, I'm sure someone does, but they're a pervert.

No picture
There could be many reasons for this:
1) You have not mastered the intricacies of uploading yet. It's difficult to find the time, between watching General Hospital and making dinner for your grandchildren.
2) You are a conspiracy theorist concerned about your privacy. But for some reason you're still on Facebook. Perhaps you just really love Farmville.
3) You really do look like a silhouette.
4) You are horrifically ugly.

You will know if you're #4 if you have no picture and your only friends are relatives.

What Your Facebook Status Really Means

I've had enough of the drama!
No you have not. You love drama. You hate that Gossip Girl isn't a reality show.

The gym kicked my ass!
You recently started working out and want everyone to know. If you worked out more, you'd know that working out produces a greater natural high than facebook comments.

"Quote from a famous person." -Famous Person
It's possible you heard something interesting and wanted to share. More than likely you couldn't think of anything to say, but wanted people to know you still exist.

Back on the market!
You recently broke up with a significant other, and are masking your feelings of loneliness by desperately trying to get attention. Especially if it's in front of your ex. By the way, we all know that dude with you in your facebook picture is actually your cousin.

Ugh!
Something insignificant is wrong. Maybe the person you like (but know is a douchebag) is acting like a douchebag. Or maybe you're an overachiever and someone else in your honors class turned in a paper that was half a page longer than yours. Either way, you know deep down that none of this will matter in a year, but you still want sympathy.

I love my friends! You guys are SOOOOO awesome! Thanks for the birthday wishes!!!!!
You value people who pretend they are friends with you. If it were not for facebook's birthday reminders, you'd have gotten three happy birthdays and they would have all been from your grandmother.

I can't wait for the summer to be over! I miss everyone!
The summer has become a scary reminder of how bad high school was. With every passing day, you are reminded why you went away to school in the first place.

Whatever
You are pretending to be indifferent about something that clearly bothers you, or you wouldn't have addressed it. Indifference is denoted by silence, not cries for help.

Last night was off the chain! I'd tell you about it, but I'm too drunk to remember!
You're mildly clever. But if last night was truly off the chain, you'd be passed out or hung over, not updating your status at 9:00 AM.

I'm lonely!
This one is embarrassingly honest.

I love cock! I want to blow everyone!
Your account has been hacked. When you check your Facebook in the computer lab, log out.

What You're Saying With Your Drink Order

Budweiser, Miller, or Coors 
Guys: They don't have kegs at this bar? What kind of low-brow place is this?
Guys buying it for girls: I don't celebrate anniversaries, I don't care about your friends, and as soon as you expect commitment, I will drop you. May as well get used to it.
Girls: Does drinking cheap beer make me look sexy and tomboyish?

Sam Adams, Honey Brown, or Pete's Wicked 
Guys: I bet this beer tastes good because it costs more.
Guys buying it for girls: Work study? Hah! That's for suckers. I've got a swanky internship paying me $10 an hour!
Girls: Drinking cheap beer makes me look too tomboyish. Does drinking expensive beer make me look sexy?

Guinness 
Guys: I don't intend to get drunk tonight. Thankfully, this beer takes a half hour to finish.
Guys buying it for girls: I don't want you to leave this bar for the next half hour.
Girls: I hope I'm not hung over during rugby tomorrow.

Natural Ice, Old Milwaukee, or Pabst Blue Ribbon 
Guys: Hey, can I borrow a dollar?
Guys buying it for girls: If you think that's impressive, you should see the generic brand cereal we'll be eating tomorrow morning.
Girls: Man, that sex change was expensive.

Long Island Iced Tea 
Guys: I'm not drunk enough yet to be charming. One of these should do it.
Guys buying it for girls: I don't think this girl is drunk enough yet to think I'm charming. One of these should do it.
Girls: I'm really easy, but I don't want to admit it. None of these guys are charming, but now I can blame it on the alcohol when I sleep with them.

Shot of Tequila 
Guys: Hey, is someone stealing my tiny, very expensive red sports car?
Guys buying it for girls: I figure either we'll hook up or you'll pass out on my floor. Maybe a little of both.
Girls: Does anyone know where I put my birth control pills?

Sex on the Beach 
Guys: That midori sour was a little weak.
Guys buying it for girls: See, it's got sex in the name. Get it? Like, it's just the name of a drink, but it says "sex". Understand?
Girls: Hey, the color of this drink matches my tube top!

Water 
Guys: I better sober up so I don't pass out before I hook up with this girl.
Guys buying it for girls: I better get this girl sobered up so she doesn't pass out before we hook up.
Girls: I better sober up so I don't hook up with the guy who bought me all those drinks.

What Your Dorm Posters Say About You