Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Movies I Won't Be Seeing This Summer

Dinner for Schmucks

This is a remake of the 1998 award-winning French film Le Diner de Cons. I don’t condone remaking movies just because they didn’t star Americans the first time around. I also don’t condone Steve Carell’s caps. That’s a lot of tooth.

Concession: At least the original was in a different language, which makes this remake a little less despicable than this year’s Death at a Funeral – which was a remake of the 2007 English film, Death at a Funeral. Only with black people.

Eat, Pray, Love

Watching people eat is gross. Watching people pray is boring. Watching people fall in love is not enjoyable unless it’s funny or tragic or both. Being as this is a Julia Roberts movie, I’m assuming that it’s neither.

Concession: I can’t blame Jules for signing on for the flick. I’ve agreed to many things in life because they promised me free pizza…


Apparently this part was offered to Tom Cruise, but he turned it down because it was too similar to some of his other work. When Tom Cruise turns down a movie because it’s redundant, you know it’s really scraping the bottom of the originality barrel. This is the man that made Mission: Impossible, Mission: Impossible II, Mission: Impossible III and has signed on to do Mission: Impossible IV.

Concession: It’s pretty rad that they went with a chick for a part originally written for a man. Also, salt is amazing. I salt postage stamps before I lick them.

Really, what this summer movie season is missing is a Will Smith movie. Sending your kid in to learn taebo from Jackie Chan doesn’t count, Big Willy. Show your face! We all miss you. The summer blockbuster landscape misses you. Carlton misses you.

1 comment:

  1. See, I won't be seeing Salt because I can't stand Angelina. Never thought much of her so-called talent. And I have no respect for people who break up marriages. (I don't like Brad's unwashed butt either. He should've stayed with Jennifer. At least with her he had to bath and shave daily.)

    The other two don't interest me. Eat Pray Love is a true story, I'm not fond of true stories. I go to movies and read books to escape reality.

    And I don't like comedies like Smucks. It's just too low brow. I did, however, enjoy Despicable Me. Especially since the Minions have such awesome taste in music.


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