Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Jesus of Nazareth, Nazareth, and Cohen.

I worked in Tallahassee, Fl. this past weekend and had a great time. I haven’t been to Tally since I went to school there back in the 90’s. By went to school there- I mean I drank and worked in bars for six years.

The shows were fun and very well attended. Most of the crowds were very entertained. I would say that the weirdest thing that happened was the drunk lady who stood up and yelled at me about a joke I did about Jesus.

That guy is very polarizing. I have had both Christians and Atheists give me shit about telling jokes about the big guy. My buddy Brett told me, “Tom, you shouldn’t joke about or even mention Jesus in your act because he is a fictional made up character.”

First of all, I think Jesus was an actual person and here is why- because he was a carpenter. You don’t give imaginary people jobs.

My buddy Larry, who I am making up right now because I don’t have a friend named Larry, doesn’t have a job. You know why? Because he isn’t real. He doesn’t need a job. You would have to give me a few moments to make one up for him.

Larry is a project manager for Hewlett Packard.

Jesus was a carpenter. That is how we know he was real. If they would have been making up jobs they would have picked a more glamorous job. Like beat reporter for the Nazareth Daily Bugle. Out fighting crime and saving souls. Or a lawyer. “Have you met my lawyer? Jesus of Nazareth, Nazareth and Cohen?

No- he was a lowly carpenter. That is how we know he was real.

When he was up on the cross, do you think he looked at it with a carpenters critical eye?

“Huh, this isn’t even level. Shoddy workmanship. This isn’t even good cyprus- look how that nail through my left wrist has split this inferior wood. Forgive them father, for they don’t build them like they used to.”

He was a carpenter for many many years before he went into the savior business. So he had to make some things. A table, a chest of drawers, a book shelf... (I guess it would be a scroll shelf since they didn’t have books.)

He made some things that is for sure. That is how we will find out he was real. Watching Antique Roadshow one day and the appraiser will be all, “Wow, this scroll pole looks ancient, let’s see who made it....”

Turns it over.... “JESUS CHRIST! That is going to be worth some money.... and I think it has healed my arthritis.”


  1. Actually there is historical evidence that Jesus Christ existed. Now if he really was the messiah or not is up for debate as he didn't fulfill things such as restoring Israel. He could've just been a really awesome Rabbi. But, despite what people want to believe, he really did exist.

  2. Tom, very funny. But wasn't Joseph the carpenter? And, of course, Karen. I'm pretty old now and just don't recall that Jesus had an 8-5 job. Yes, I'm too lazy to research it...and I'll probably pay the price for that!

  3. @Gary lol, Jesus was a carpenter.


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