Airport

Walter was laying by my feet in the airport & a kid ran right at him. I stepped in the kid's way & he bounced off me. The mom glared at me, so I said "He almost hit my dog." She said wild animals shouldn't be allowed in the airport. I said, "Yeah. One of them almost hit my dog."

Parking spots

Are there any laws regarding how wide parking spots need to be? Because there really should be laws regarding how wide parking spots need to be. 

Parking spots

Are there any laws regarding how wide parking spots need to be? Because there really should be laws regarding how wide parking spots need to be. 

Advice

I want to tell someone that they shouldn’t give anyone unsolicited advice, but I have to wait for them to ask me.

Lambo

There is someone in the LA Fitness parking lot Loudly revving their McLaren. Way to impress everyone at the gym that costs $17 a month. Next you should drive over to the Dollar General. 

Anonymous

There are many great reasons to be anonymous online. Maybe you are a political dissident, or a corporate whistleblower, or have a job that requires it, or are simultaneously a total shitbag and an enormous coward. Many great reasons.

Gif

Shoutout to MortalDanger00 on Reddit for making this gif of me that is perfect for online commenting: https://i.imgur.com/llu20yK.gifv

Text list

I added Canadian capability to my text list! Hooray! Canadian cell numbers can text STEVE to 393939. American cell numbers can text STEVE to 484848. Adding capability for other countries soon. Join for free to get an update when I have a show near you.

Mitch

Mitch McConnell injured his shoulder tripping over his own lies. His shoulder is fractured, though not nearly as fractured as America’s faith in our government. This injury is particularly difficult for him as it prevents him from patting himself on the back for doing nothing.

Vote

El Paso was in the mall I went to before my show. Dayton was a block from Wiley's, a club I used to own. Vegas was across from the Trop, the night before my show - there were pictures of me in some of the news footage.

I am voting as if my life depends on it. Because it does.

Motorcycle

As usual, I was gently leading Walter to help him keep his balance as he Walters around. Someone on a motorcycle who is too dumb to wear a helmet stopped to yell at me that I was “hurting” him. I smiled as he drove off, and thanked him for not wearing a helmet. 

Donating

If you want to add to the "Fuck you, Nazis" fund (note: not its actual name), you can donate here:

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/donations-link-stand-up-against-hatred-an-evening-of-politically-incorrect-comedy-tickets-67618896941

Tickets were $18 - and we're still selling them to raise $ for the fund. Proceeds go to support the Holocaust curriculum at the local high school.